I have been thinking of how I can best prepare for the future and on what criteria can I say that I have already fully prepared for it. That no matter what happens, I will be okay for at least a couple of years or so without having to ask others for assistance. Then I imagined myself working a lucrative desk job for some years in order to ‘be ready’ for a future I have no assurance of.
No one knows when my time will be.
Additionally, there are the thoughts of the dullness of being in a state where you do not have to do anything unless it is a weekend. Right now I live in comfort, but in exchange for freedom. And I can continue doing so but… until when? When will I be okay enough to transition to a freer comfort?
Comfort, anyway, is only an illusion.
From an undated journal entry