I’ve been switching thought processes from one language to another that now I sort of feel like I’m too empty for English. Am I doing too much? Still doing too much?
(How can that be if it can still be said that I’m not doing enough?)
That’s a mouthful. In parentheses. A mouthful in parentheses. I was going to write ‘I still feel like’ which became ‘I sometimes still feel like’. Maybe it’s my positivity seeing more progress than there is but I know, I think I know, that those thoughts although they still ring in my mind every so often, are now removed far enough for me to know that they aren’t mine to begin with. Oh, where did that come from. I just realised that now.
So apparently, they weren’t mine to begin with. Perhaps it’s true that I am as natural a workaholic as I am a philosopher, but to love work is one thing and to think that ‘more than enough’ is ‘never enough’ is something else entirely.
Does it matter where I got that thought? I don’t want to think about that right now. Let’s hope the answer would some day meet me as an insight on one of my long afternoon walks. I’m the person in the black fedora, please remind Insight.
What matters more right now, for me at least and sometimes that is all that matters, is that I can take the thought out of the upper cavity of my flesh and out through my hands. This process shall turn them concrete, therefore malleable and temporal. Now that the words are written, typed if you will, I the master of words in this space have them all under my control. And dear me! How I enjoy having control.
If said control is part of the whole flux of life, that is, because that’s honestly more enjoyable. At least these days. And a lot more difficult to get to, as well. Ironic, isn’t it? I feel like I’ve been given more free rein recently but no north star to guide me. Probably because I should already know by now. Yeah, I should know… I do know, but, ah—it’s hard to walk in the dessert at night, I’d assume. It’s generally difficult to walk where there are no roads but wasn’t that how roads used to be made?
I’ve no idea. Maybe I can move forward in the day instead if the night blinds me, or whatever. Or wait for a couple of nights until the moon comes back or something?
Either way, maybe I already have all the answers and this is all just a matter of going to the right place, asking the right questions, and actually moving on to action.
Walking aimlessly with no thoughts at all is a lot more challenging than it seems.
Gotta love a good challenge.
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