I thought I should write, right now, without putting much thought into the act itself. I’ve felt that I’ve been slowly getting back into the flow and that as an exercise, I should share something here that isn’t premeditated. Some days, that’s so easy it almost feels like cheating when I create something I wholly enjoy without much effort. Effort that is mostly mental struggle that the other days have. Days like today, right now, when the whole thought of not having any thought makes it all counter-intuitive. There’s the expectation that because I’m trying to write this effortlessly then it should be good. And the old habit of scrutinising every single thing before it can truly exist latches onto that expectation.
I can’t die I’m all in is stuck in my head. I feel like I’m getting somewhere these days… somewhere I ought to be and have been striving to get to. Yet the closer I get there, the less I see of anything. I’m myopic in real life.
But maybe that’s the next step: the one where I ought to get to the vision-less space. Maybe I’m supposed to use my other senses? What do I hear? What do I smell?
What do I feel?
I ought to visit a friend soon. I wonder when I can introduce to this space her, Forever Girl. The last time we’ve talked I left her in the imaginary coffee shop of the city where her adventures had started. She hasn’t told me yet when her story would end and when she’d finally leave the cave in the mountain—ah, I almost gave a spoiler. Ha ha ha.
The other week, I got a vision of how Forever Girl would look like, but now I’m not so sure which of the few characters of that story the face is. Maybe it’s all the same.